Aya's Story
Freeing Yourself from Nightmares

| | | | | DREAMS | |

A young woman in Israel contacted us yearning for answers to her dreams.

Through dream interpretation she has reconciled seven years of debilitating nightmares...

I can remember my first nightmare as a child:

I was a ghost trapped in a locket on a chain banging in a doorway and not being able to leave either the locket or the doorway.

There were other random nightmares growing up, but they became more frequent about 7 years ago when I began University. During each testing period I would be under a lot of tension and I learned to live with a month of nightmares twice a year. This still sounded quite logical and semi-under control.

About a year and a half ago, I began having nightmares on a steadier basis. This coincided with beginning my second degree in clinical psychology and my practicum at a busy and intense public mental health clinic in Jerusalem. Eventually, it reached a point where I couldn't remember what it felt like to wake up refreshed in the morning. There was no such thing. I used to have nightmares about bombs exploding, running from danger, being raped, Holocaust dreams, even murdering someone else or others being killed because of me. I used to get flashbacks during the day, all day long, with pictures from the night. I couldn't even begin to explain it. My closest friends knew but still I felt no one really understood how I longed for what I called "a dreamless dream". I would remember how I twisted someone's arm when I killed him or how humiliated I was being raped in public with only rags on my body. I would smile and go through my intense University and practicum days as if living outside of my skin. It was so exhausting all I could do was hold my breath until I could come home to my one room apartment and cry my heart out. All day I would wait for that moment of blessed alone-ness, ignoring the thin walls in my apartment building. I never knew how I would make it through the next night and day, but I kept plowing through each one, one at a time. I felt disconnected from the world of the sleeping, that is, those that know what it feels like to go to sleep and wake up the next day and feel there is a division between yesterday and today. I felt like I was living an eternal nightmare and I didn't know where to replenish my strength.

My therapist at the time was working with me on my past life in the Holocaust as a teenage girl in Auschwitz. I was held for about 3-4 months as a prostitute until I too was thrown into the gas chambers with the rest of my family who apparently died before me. Her only explanation was that I am going through a similar kind of hell in releasing this cellular memory, that I am being tortured night and day as I was then, not getting any rest. I wasn't happy with this answer.

I went to a channeller. She said I am releasing past lives in my dreams and am going through a series of pictures of my lives. She suggested lighting candles and sending my future nightmares into the flames before I go to bed. This didn't work either.

I went to another healer. She said my extreme sensitivity makes me vulnerable to all of the stories and vibrations I pick up from my surroundings, that I then translate into dreams at night. She tried to convince me to give up being a therapist and find a less emotionally demanding occupation. Great, I thought. There goes the one thing I thought I was finally doing right.

Nothing worked. I was getting more and more exhausted and despairing. All my books on dreams were irrelevant. I felt so closed off from the world, as if no one could ever understand me. It was such a lonely feeling.

For my birthday, I asked my father for an intuitive reading from the School of Metaphysics. As I browsed their site I noticed the Dream of the Month Club idea. I thought this is just ridiculous internet stuff, but I remembered how the SOM readings were helpful for my father and my sister, so I knew this site was reliable. I signed up for three months and within a few weeks my DOMC package awaited me at my doorstep. I hungrily opened the package and devoured all the reading material at once, like a snake swallowing its prey at once and only then stopping to digest. The thoroughly researched information provided in these books was completely revolutionary and different from anything I had read or heard about dreams anywhere. The principles were so simple I found them insulting. I thought I was working out past lives and reliving all kinds of dramas, when really, my subconscious was just screaming for me to wake up. My soul wants me to listen and is not relenting. I am here for something, as each one of us is. And our soul knows when we are just strong enough to bear the task at hand. So my higher self was communicating to me to wake up, take responsibility and change. For two days I was in a state of mind I could not communicate to anybody.

I was going through an internal revolution. I sent my first dreams for analysis and all my emotional dramas came back in neat explanations. They made me angry at first, as if something was being taken away from me. ?Could it really be this simple?? I kept asking myself. I realized I had a choice: to take it or leave it. I decided to take it, to try, I had nothing left to lose. I wrote down my dreams and started to look up the symbols. My dreams started to change, immediately. It was immediate.

I was scared to come out into the world and declare my nightmares were over, for fear they would return. I realized all of these emotions were necessary just to make me pay attention to the real message behind the emotions. The soul in fact is not nearly as emotional as we or I believe. It merely uses our dreams to reflect our state of mind so we can see where we can work to expand our awareness and where perhaps we have already done so. I am still amazed at this immediate change. It may require a revolution in the way you think about your problems. Sometimes we even get attached to our painful view of life, that things must be complicated and difficult, when really, if the answer is clear the solution can be immediate.

This letter is my way of saying I am not afraid of my nightmares anymore. Strange and intense dreams still occur, but I approach them now with curiosity and not with fear. Yes, there are mornings I am still exhausted and lazy to write down my dreams, but I know that I have the choice, and more importantly, I have the power and tools to understand. I think this has been the biggest lesson for me – understanding that I am my own best interpreter and healer, as we all are for ourselves.

With many thanks,
Aya

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