7 Lessons I Learned in the First 7 Years
This book started with a story about Ki having his heart set on being with Paul Blosser. If youll remember Hezekiah had agreed to postpone playing with Paul for a half hour so Paul could complete some work.
Theres more to that story.
Once Ki and Paul agreed to meet, Hezekiah settled down. We read another story and then Carrie, one of the students living at the College at the time, arrived. All seemed well.
Less than five minutes had passed when Hezekiah came into my room with an upset, sad look on his face. He literally fell into my lap declaring, I dont want to play with Carrie.
Stunned, I wondered what had happen to cause the change of heart. This was not the first time, Ki had come to me declaring he didnt want to be with so-and-so. The first time I was in denial: Hezekiah! I said in shock, You dont mean that! Of course that was lost on a three year old and I quickly realized my own emotional reaction of feeling badly for the person he said it to. I also knew if I was going to teach my son how to open his heart, Id have to do better than telling him he didnt mean something that he did mean.
So I began a period of learning how to teach the golden rule Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This is a difficult concept for a three year old. It ranks up there with sharing. There is not yet sufficient experience and information for reasoning to stretch the mind to those places without considerable emotional or physical damage. I learned to be patient. I learned to observe, to study, to remember, to teach by planting seeds.
I had to be willing to move through my own ego reaction of what do others think? Honesty with myself helped a lot there. On this morning, the understanding I had been praying for, working for, would come to fruition.
With a still mind, I rubbed Kis back. He rocked himself on my lap, and I said what entered into my mind, Ki, Carries planned on being with you all morning.
I dont want to, he replied. Whatever it was, he wasnt going to go into it now. I might not agree with that, or want that, but I had learned to give him respect, to allow him space. I made no verbal reply.
After a few moments he said, I want to watch Ouch!
Ouch! is a segment of the National Geographic Explorer television show we had recently taped. Videos were becoming a concentration tool as well as an imagination stimulator during this time in Kis life. In the weeks to come, I would learn how Ki would sometimes use a show to focus his mind so he could assimilate not the show, but the experiences from his day.
When Carrie came, I looked up and motioned to her that everything was okay, so she would know she was free to go. She seemed reluctant and so before leaving she called, Hezekiah, Ill be back. He did not reply. I could tell Carrie was a bit hurt by Kis rejection and I noted that I wanted to give her counsel and instruction. Right now, though, Ki needed my attention more.
I had slowly been learning about Kis ability to communicate. I knew his way with words combined with his considerable emotional delivery could hurt even the oldest adults feelings. He did not yet understand his impact on others. Teaching him how what he says affects others was a constant effort. When he said I dont want to play with Carrie I knew he was trying to describe his displeasure that Paul hadnt joined the play yet. Ki needed to learn how to describe his thoughts better.
In the present moment, however, he didnt want to be with Carrie since he couldnt be with Paul. We sat there for a few minutes, just being together.
As we sat watching bees, I planted seed ideas: Carrie cares about you, so she makes time to be with you. How do you think it makes her feel when you run away? When you say you dont want to play with her? How would you feel if someone you wanted to be with said they didnt want to be with you?
Ki heard every word but he didnt say anything.
I just added, Think about it.
After a short time, Carrie returned and Hezekiah was ready to play with her. Just like nothing had happened.
Ki went off with Carrie and I went back to writing.
About half an hour later a deeper awareness came to me. It came into focus as if by magic. Kis I dont want to play with so-and-so came from disappointment! If he couldnt have what he wanted, hed have nothing at all! It dawned on me that this mornings experience for Hezekiah was a Taurean lesson. He was hurt because he believed Paul had come to be with him, not mommy. His disappointment in finding out differently quickly fell into hurt, then into self deprivation if he couldnt play with Paul, he wouldnt play at all! Its the Taurean trap of if youre not going to play the way I thought we were going to play then Ill take my ball and go home!
It had been difficult for me to identify because it is one of my karmic lessons also. How many times had I fallen into that same self-effacing, punishing thought. For years I found it easier to give up, to erase a desire, rather than respond to the change at hand it required of me. This was something very familiar. I knew I was still figuring out its cause and effect in my own life. I also knew I had learned a great deal about these Taurean energies (my sun and rising are in the sign of Taurus, and Kis moon is in Taurus) that I could pass on to him.
I discovered a commonality in Ki and me that day that would help us both as long as I could remain generous in what I know rather than protective of him or defensive of me. I promised myself to be more compassionate when Ki would go through these emotionally charged experiences. I knew working with him through these would help me synthesize my own understanding and give him outlooks and ways of responding it took me decades to cultivate. I knew the next time he would not want to play with someone it would be different for both of us. Having identified the pattern of the emotional energies, I was now free to imagine how I could convey, teach, what I know. This is one of the blessings children bring us.
This was a golden moment for me. I was so grateful to perceive the truth to recognize it and know I can help. Thats every parents desire, to help. Sometimes it gets lost with the passing of time, or when answers are not forthcoming.
I began to list what Id learned in these first few years that had proven very helpful to me and others. The list is not so much what to do with a child, rather it is what to do with yourself. I hope it will help you keep the energy flowing, in yourself and between you and the child you love.
1 Embrace new awareness.
By remaining open as a parent you are free to learn, every moment, every day. The more you know about learning, the more you can contribute to your childs learning.
Having been raised by neat (as in tidy) parents, messes were something I learned to be an authority on early in life. It was the reason I didnt create exotic meals until I lived on my own in college. Mom said Id just make a mess in the kitchen so she rarely let me. The first time Ki wanted to help make a cake, these were the first thoughts that flooded through my consciousness.
I could have said no, youll make a mess. And I have been known to utter those words in spite of myself. I could have said, not now, when youre older. (Ive also heard myself say these words.) I could have said, Ill do it, which I did at one point say.
This first time, at first I said no. Quickly assessed my own thoughts, and said yes, we can Kiah. He had the best time playing in the flour. We wasted little. Didnt make that big of a mess, and it was a great cake!
Being conscious of your childhood experiences frees you into your learning. Being conscious frees you to be the parent you can be.
2 Be willing to become conscious of how you were treated as a child.
I could have allowed the strong prejudice against making messes to rule me and therefore my sons life. Being aware gave me respect for my mom and dad and their viewpoints. It gave me freedom to respect my own and it has greatly expanded the learning opportunities Hezekiah has. From chalk designs on the floor to sandbox cities and mud dams, I am learning to appreciate the nature of the physical as change as I learn to appreciate boy energy.
Becoming conscious can reach beyond cleaning up and doing homework. Being conscious means frank, bold honesty. For instance, it took years for me to value being a singular child. I thought Id been cheated because I never had a brother or sister. In time what I realized was having been taught the spiritual principle that we are all brothers and sisters gave me exactly what I was looking for. It was something I had had all along, but my attachment to the idea that I had lost out by not having physical brothers and sisters had blinded me. In fact I would be in my thirties before I would realize that all my adult life I have lived with ever increasing numbers of people, only one of which (Hezekiah) is blood related. This is quite a transformation of consciousness, that has served me well.
3 Meeting up to your ideals.
This is one of the surprises of parenting. About the fifth week after Kiah was born I looked down at his sleeping angelic face and wondered what on earth I had done. It was 3:30 a.m. and Ki had finally decided to slip into a peaceful slumber. I, on the other hand, was anything but peaceful. I was mentally, emotionally, and physically drained from too many nights of dream deprivation. My energies were imbalanced in ways I wasnt even sure of, but could feel. I remember thinking, Why cant you be like this all the time?
I knew the answer, of course, but it didnt change what I was feeling. The thought did however set off a chain reaction that would change quite a few of my thoughts.
My life had been very full in those first 41 years. Populated largely by adults desiring to understand the mind and consciousness. I had invested a small percentage of my time directly with children, most of experiences came through students who were parents, and I was very clear minded about the benefits for children in educating their parents. I knew I could influence the lives of many more children through teaching their parents than through having children born of my own flesh.
Well, that all changed when Daniel and I married. After almost three years of marriage, the Universe blessed us with the means to receive a soul, our son who Daniel named Hezekiah. I had not spent large amounts of time imagining being a mother or the type of child I might have. That morning, however, I came face to face with the televised image of sleeping babes I had seen throughout my life. Children were supposed to sleep. A lot. Mine wasnt. The image was conflicting with reality and my frayed emotions were caught in the middle. Ki wasnt fitting the mold I had made in my mind. What was I going to do?
It may sound funny to someone who has not experienced those first few years, but the challenge of trying to fit your child into your ideals is one every parent encounters. Those who meet the challenge, internalize it for understanding, become free to live their own ideals. These people teach their children to create and fulfill their own ideals, and this is heaven for an Indigo.
With few preconceived parent-child ideas in my consciousness, so much of my experience with Ki is fresh, new, sometimes disturbing and frightening, always an amazing, joyous journey of discovery. This has helped me considerably in the area of acceptance.
Acceptance is essential in raising a mystic child. They will continually surprise and delight you as long as you control your mind not theirs. They dont take well to others throwing their weight around. Respect is essential, and the parents ability for respect determines in large part the destiny of their child. The old idea of respect is fear, the do it or else level of mentality. The newer idea of respect is bargaining, the do this now so you can do this later. Neither of these work on an Indigo because both ask the Indigo to go against his/her innate understanding that respect is born from love.
Mystic children respond to honesty and truth. They want to know what you think and why. They are not interested in hearing how you think they should be. They will live their own life, and if you think otherwise they will straighten you out with very little premeditation.
So the key is to live your ideals. Trying to live through an Indigo will cause suffering for parent and child. They are not on the planet to fulfill your abandoned desires or to be your clone. They are connected with their mission and they are resistant to anyone or anything that works against that. These are children who respond to heart early, and they need lots of it. Loving completely, loving spiritually, gives an Indigo the Self trust they need for opening their reasoning abilities.
I learned at birth that Ki was going to surpass any expectation I had conceived. This was not a calm, quiet babe who slept often and was a constant source of joy and pleasure. This soul was his own person from birth, and the quicker I admitted that, the easier it was going to be for all of us.
I would have many opportunities early on to resolve the lingering attachment to wanting him to be something he wasnt. I learned quickly, and I am eternally grateful for my metaphysical background for that. At times I felt like I went through what so many people talk about with their teenagers. Countless times in counseling parents I have witnessed the anguish, fear, and worry of not knowing how to communicate with their kids, of guilt about the past. Learning to be present from the beginning, to accept the soul who is your child completely and unconditionally, frees you to make more correct decisions than incorrect.
Knowing the basics of how mind works, whether the messages in dreams or the mechanics of reasoning, allows you the freedom to teach your child the skills needed for fashioning a rewarding life, spiritually and physically.
4 Respect other peoples opinions.
I first recognized this when Daniel, Ki, and I were at a restaurant and Hezekiah would not be consoled. Only a few months old, we were learning to interpret and respond to his signals. I knew he was dry and had eaten not long before. I tried holding him, rocking, and each movement had a short term response. Ki persisted in being distressed which was escalating my feelings of I dont know what to do inadequacy.
At one point I watched my thoughts move from concern about why Ki was crying to concern about bothering people around us. Within just a few seconds my mind was flooded with thoughts of disrespecting others space and children should be seen and not heard ideas, and emotions of embarrassment, frustration and even fear. Gratefully when I would get stuck in these old patterns, Daniel, not sharing my limitations, would be there to help which gave Ki the calmness he needed and me the opportunity to clear my mind so I could think straight.
I learned early that Ki and I would feed off of each others attention as well as our emotions. In time we would both have the ability to calm one another, and we would realize the significant mental influence upon one another we are. This helped me see the places where my thinking could be swayed or controlled by my thoughts of what other people think. My parents were probably the richest resource for this kind of self awareness.
5 Face what has been unconscious.
I remember in my 20s when I was studying the final series of lessons, I thought I used to think it wasnt fair to bring a child into the world, then I learned about reincarnation. Now, I think it wouldnt be fair for me to bring a child into the world because I have all this unconscious stuff Id be exposing him to. What I meant was I was becoming increasingly aware of just how many things I had yet to learn or even become conscious of. I felt like I was starting all over, a child again, who had tons to learn. What did I know about raising a child?
After teaching hundreds of adults how to use their minds more completely and productivity, and after marrying my dear Daniel, bringing a child into the world took on new meaning. Since Hezekiah entered our lives, I have found that when you are invested in becoming conscious, children help accelerate your journey of enlightenment.
One of the earliest and most profound recognitions of this came when Ki was four. About every other month, Daniel and I would participate in the Spiritual Focus Weekends at the Moon Valley Ranch. This necessitated both of us being gone for three or so hours. These were the first forays into Ki relying completely upon others for his care. Usually the transitions were smooth but one morning he decided it wasnt okay for both of us to leave.
I tried enticing. I tried reassuring. I tried explaining. I tried distraction. I tried everything I could think of, and he was stuck. As I sat holding him, the thought went through my mind, Next time Ill not tell him we are leaving. Its too hard on him. I knew it was an option. I knew he would be fine, in good hands, and would probably not even know we were gone unless for some reason Dan or I came up. I could have stayed there so easily. After all, I wouldnt have to have my emotions stirred up before the Intuitive Reporting work I was to do.
As the thoughts came through I knew I would not lie to Ki. Perhaps others would not see leaving out something as a lie but I did. It would be a lie of omission. I wanted to teach Ki to value the truth and going through these experiences with him was all part of it.
But my lesson was far deeper.
As I sat there with these thoughts floating through my head, much deeper thoughts began to surface. I remember the times I heard my mother say, Dont tell Barbara. Shell worry. I had heard it countless times through the lips of someone else. This had been her practice and it had separated us all the way to her death. I knew it would require vigilance and will power to keep connecting with Kiah. I could now understand just how easy it would be to slip away and over time lose communication with a child. Those difficulties we face with our parents, the lack of understanding we feel on both sides, start at the beginning. They are either healed early or the dis-ease grows.
6 Acting out is multidimension experience.
I had heard the term acting out a few times. Each time it held a negative context, like a label people place on something they dont understand and dont want to think about anymore. When I heard the words used in reference to Ki it became clearer what people meant and what they thought about childrens natural evolvement. Acting out is the refined ability to experience learning. It is the means by which all senses can be engaged which opens the door to subconscious experiencing, and therefore greater understanding.
There is such a fear in our society because so little is known and taught about the nature of consciousness. It is as if humanity is afraid of its own shadow, of who it is and what it is to become.
I welcomed Kis acting out. It has become a natural part of his processing what he experiences. Sometimes hell draw pictures of what he experiences, a very effective communication tool for involving the subconscious mind. Sometimes hell walk back and forth, retelling the story and using a prop (usually a just-the-right size raptor) for emphasis and rhythm. To the unaware, he can sometimes look self consumed, dramatic, and even fanatical. To those with eyes to see and the heart to know, they appreciate the depth of concentration characteristic of all genius.
7 Im not going to tell you is one dimensional.
The first time Hezekiah said this I inwardly cringed. I value openness and honesty. They are traits that enable the ego to evolve. They are the gateway to harmonizing the inner and outer minds. To hear anyone say, Im not going to tell you was not a statement of distrust, it was a slammed door that left me powerless to help.
I was already conscious of these feelings from interactions with adult students. I had accepted that my interpretation of these words as a personal rejection was my own karmic learning. Not knowing how to deal with being shut out, had motivated me to become aware of other levels of connectedness. It had made me work harder, become more disciplined, be unconditional in my love. These understandings were brought to bear the first time Ki told me he wasnt going to tell me something.
Without my teaching experiences I would have become paranoid, wondering what I had done wrong that he wasnt telling me. Or I would have worried about what he had done wrong that he didnt want me to know about. Or I would have thought, this is the start, just wait until hes a teenager. Or I would have resorted to bargaining (if you tell me then...), or fear (just wait til I tell your daddy...), or anger (tell me or else!), or any host of images from sitcoms and movies Ive filled my brain with over the past 40+ years. Being a student of metaphysics taught me how to create a still mind. Being a teacher taught me how to use it.
I stilled my mind and asked, Where did you hear that?
The Land Before Time, Ki replied. The Land Before Time is an animated movie with several sequels using characters from the original story in new plots. Ki loved the original and wanted the new videos whenever they became available. What I was about to learn taught me what I needed to know about the influence of media on the young mind.
I thought back over the videos. Id watched each several times with Ki. Daniel and I made it a practice to be present whenever Ki watched anything new on television, so we could answer his questions, offer him guidance and even comfort, when needed. I didnt remember any of the characters saying Im not going to tell you.
Ki did. Sarah, he responded.
Oh, I thought. Sarah was the headstrong stegosaurus with the gruff, physically-minded dad. Her mom never appears in the stories so you dont know what happened to her. Sarahs stubbornness had gotten the kid dinosaurs in more than one predicament. So you want to be like Sarah? I asked Ki quite honestly, without implication or judgement.
You will be if you imitate her.
Ki thought about this for a while in silence. After a while he said, Do you know who I want to be?
Petrie, the pterodactyl.
Why? This was a most curious choice.
Because he is small and has two wings.
I learned a lot in this conversation. Certainly more than if Id allowed my busy mind to take over. I learned the origin of the statement, that Ki did not think he was stubborn, and that he liked being loved and free. That was quite a lot for not being told something!
Respecting the Teacher in your Midst
So much of respecting a child is giving them space. I have learned just as much observing Hezekiah as I have interacting with him. He cherishes others presence, while valuing his independent thought. Many times I have seen him get others involved in doing something drawing a picture, building a toy, baking cookies, even cleaning a room while he paces back and forth a short distance away telling one of his stories. Independent endeavors in shared space. You can feel the connectedness.
Much of the mystical childs experience is beneath the surface. It is emotionally tangible, and mentally rich. This is one of the reasons we have requested Intuitive Health Analyses on Hezekiah every six months since he was born. We wanted the objective, subconscious perspective available from these reports. As a result each has been affirming and illuminating for us as teachers/parents.
Your child is a soul that has come to earth. You have the privilege and responsibility of guiding that soul through the early, dependent years of infancy and adolescence. The reality that the little body contains a very wizened soul usually comes early. Kiah was telling me the quadruple syllable names of dinosaurs at the age of three. Five-year-old Iris teaches anyone and everyone about the complex world of Barbie. Eleven-year-old Ian teaches how to live peaceably through his poetry. Fourteen-year-old Briana creates and teaches a sacred dance for Camp Niangua. Listening to Indigo children tells you what they know.
Every individual is special, created equally and endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights. When we honor our divinity, we uplift all of humanity. As the inner wisdom is fostered, through encouragement and respect, from birth, we all reap the benefits many times over, every day of our lives.
May peace be with you all ways. I send you my circle of love.
Dr. Barbara Condron
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©2002 School of Metaphysics